For cars and horses it’s physical; for people the elusive part is a mental corner, sometimes the size of a football field. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you!” So why should you care? Because shining a light in these corners can help ease your mind, improve relationships as well as broaden your career prospects.
We’ve talked about perceptions, feedback, and the importance of getting to know yourself. In case this is your first time on this blog, welcome! 
You’ll find that I work from the premise that self-awareness is a wonderful thing, because once you know who you are, you know who you’re dealing with, which parts of your behavior, emotions and reactions are yours and which are projections.
I’m currently reading Pascal Mercier’s Night train to Lisbon, and there are significant passages about identity and consciousness that put words to feelings the surface of which I can only ever hope to skim. If you’re into philosophical questions like, “Can God in His almighty power create a stone that He cannot lift?” you, too, might find this novel a good read.
Without trying to give too much of the book away or going into details of its structure, one central theme is developed as one protagonist details how while seeing his reflection in a shop window he notices a passer-by looking him up and down. Pretending to study the display of said shop window, the protagonist imagines what opinion the passer-by will form by looking at his figure, and he subsequently adopts a kind of meta position in trying to view himself with the stranger’s eyes. Another protagonist later tries to do the same, and finds himself getting angry, thinking “so this is how they must see me!”
He gets new glasses, a new suit, and I haven’t finished the book yet, so I’m not sure if he’ll try to permanently alter his appearance, character, or accept himself warts and all. But the scene did remind me of this one awareness tool that I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, the Johari Window. It has been around since the 1950’s as “a graphic model for interpersonal relations” developed by Luft and Ingham. How can it be useful to you?
It’s a neat way to have an overview of what you see, know, or believe to be true about yourself, and what others see, know, or believe to be true about you – in other words, excellent gap analysis between what is and what you want to be. You already know the information for that first public quadrant, and you can obtain input for the second blind one by asking friends, colleagues, family, and especially strangers (they gain nothing by lying or trying not to hurt your feelings). Quadrant three adds information about those things you are aware of and prefer to keep private from others, and the fourth and last one represents the subconscious and what’s unknown.
Which boggles my mind a little, because if it’s unknown, then how do we know how big that quadrant is? Does it stand for our potential? Then it should be endless! Does it represent aspects about ourselves we’ve yet to find out? Then it’s finite, and that doesn’t sound right, either! How do you interpret your subconscious?
Depending on when in your life you decide to fill in the quadrants and the degree of feedback you’re seeking, their sizes might vary. A good place to start is by picking out five to ten adjectives from a list you’ve compiled (positive/desirable or negative/undesirable ones, or an even mixture, see Wikipedia example below), and share that list with your network to see which adjectives they pick for you. Discrepancies will indicate where to shine your light, seek more feedback, discuss, or simply feel if it rings true, and it is then up to you to decide whether the feedback is something you’ll consider as an opportunity for growth and learning, or dismiss. When introducing this tool into your school or workplace for colleagues/employees, a list of desirable options paired with anonymous feedback can result in powerful motivation, and a significant esteem-boost at the very least.
Sometimes we come across differently than we wish to, and until we are alerted to the fact we don’t have the opportunity to make necessary adjustments. Granted, some people don’t care or can’t change other people’s opinion anyway; I’m thinking of a couple of Republicans who recently made headlines and had me thinking “Are they for real? Are they hearing what they’re saying?” Still, if you care about your appearance, I invite you to give the Johari Window a try. As a test drive, how about sharing some feedback about me? Which adjectives would you choose to describe me? I’d love to hear how I come across, blogging, writing, and your comments will be very helpful in finding ways to appeal more and serve better.
Thank you in advance, and have a great week! Til next time.
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Thanks to Serghei for the free pic.
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